


How Do I Glove Thee?

by Darth_Nonie



Series: Tales from a Lapsed Medievalist [3]
Category: SHAKESPEARE William - Works, The X-Files
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-07-15
Updated: 1999-07-15
Packaged: 2018-02-10 01:38:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2006103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darth_Nonie/pseuds/Darth_Nonie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hitman walks into a bar.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Do I Glove Thee?

How Do I Glove Thee?  
by Darth Nonie, Lapsed Medievalist

 

Hitman walks into a bar.

Bartender says, "Hey, Alex, there's a guy here wants to talk to you."

So the hitman walks over to the end of the bar and says, "Yeah?"

And this guy at the end of the bar, he's like "Hiya, pal." And the hitman can see that the guy's like some kinda gypsy, you know, the scarf and the earrings and stuff. And he's got this black leather glove on the bar in front of him.

So the hitman says, "Whaddaya want?"

And the gypsy goes, "This is a magic glove, and I'll sell it to you for only ten thousand dollars."

So the hitman says, "Yeah, right."

And the gypsy smiles at him and says, "No, really. Lemme show you." And he gets out this gun and sets it down on the bar.

And the hitman's got his own gun in the guy's ribs before he's finished drawing, but the gypsy doesn't pay any attention and he sets his gun down on the bar and says, "Glove, clean my gun."

And the glove walks--on its fingers, you know?--to the gypsy's pocket and takes out a gun-cleaning kit, and by God it really does clean the gypsy's gun, right there on the bar.

And the hitman, he's a little surprised, yeah, but he goes, "So what?"

So the gypsy puts his gun away, and he says to the hitman, "You got a knife?"

The hitman just smiles.

So the gypsy says, "Here, cut my hand. Not too deep, you know?"

The hitman shakes his head, but he takes out this knife and cuts the guy's hand.

And the gypsy says, "Glove, fix my hand."

And the glove walks on its fingers over to the gypsy's pocket and pulls out a first-aid kit and by God it really does stitch up the gypsy's hand.

And the hitman blinks, but he says, "Yeah, so?"

And the gypsy says, "Okay, so maybe you don't believe me because I'm using my own gun and my own hand. I'm only gonna show you one more trick, but this time let's use something of yours."

And the hitman thinks about it, and then he says, "Okay, this is my favorite leather jacket, and I had it altered to hide my gun, but the guy who did the alteration did a pretty bad job, and now it doesn't fit right. Can your glove fix it?"

And the gypsy says, "Sure. Glove, --"

But he doesn't get any farther because the hitman stabs him in the back of the neck with an icepick and then blows the glove away with his gun, and they both turn into ugly green goo and disappear.

And the bartender's, like, staring, and he goes, "Alex, that's amazing! How did you know something was wrong?"

And the hitman says, "Easy. Glove is not glove that alters where it alteration finds."


End file.
